Stop Chasing Happiness

In our modern world, the message is pervasive: we must be happy. Social media forces us to consume highlights of perfect lives whilst self-help gurus promise pathways to joy. But happiness as a sole life-goal is not only unrealistic but can actually hinder real well-being. Life is fundamentally challenging with death, despair, and depression being common features. To be ignorant to this is to set ourselves up for profound disillusionment and a feeling of inadequacy when the challenges of life inevitably arise.

The relentless pursuit of happiness often veers into hedonism with a focus on immediate gratification and the avoidance of any discomfort. This can lead to a form of narcissism where our internal world shrinks to revolve solely around our own emotional comfort. When we become fixated on feeling ‘good’ all the time, we lose sight of the deeper, more meaningful aspects of human experience: connection, contribution, and personal growth.

Times of effortless pleasure may feel good for a fleeting moment but lasting feelings of well-being are often as a result of overcoming a significant obstacle, learning a difficult lesson, or making a meaningful sacrifice for something we truly believe in. When we commit to something larger than our immediate comfort, whether that be a demanding career, raising children, nurturing a relationship, or pursuing a creative passion, we invariably encounter difficulties. These aren’t obstacles to well-being, rather they are opportunities for growth that teach us patience, foster empathy, and deepen our understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

Instead of chasing fleeting moments of happiness, we should instead focus on building resilience. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks, to adapt in the face of change, and to learn and grow from painful experiences. It’s the strength that allows us to find meaning even in our darkest moments. Building resilience takes time. It emerges from allowing ourselves to feel the pain of disappointment, by taking responsibility for our choices, and by engaging in the messy work of problem-solving when things go wrong. It also comes from seeking support when needed, learning from our mistakes, and finding small victories in the face of bigger setbacks. Although this process is often uncomfortable, it is precisely where our greatest strengths are discovered.

Prioritising resilience over happiness means we become less fragile in the face of life’s challenges. We can learn and grow from painful experiences, are able to sit with difficult emotions, and to trust in our capacity to navigate whatever comes our way. Ultimately, we can embrace the full spectrum of human experience and recognise that true well-being often lies in overcoming adversity.