Christmas Reflection: When Does 'Doing' Become a Defence Against 'Being'?

The disquiet that many high achievers feel during the Christmas break is often mislabelled as simple "holiday stress". While it is easy to dismiss an inability to "switch off" as a byproduct of a demanding career, it is more accurately understood as a sophisticated psychological defence. For those who have built an identity around constant activity, the transition into a slower, domestic pace can feel less like a reprieve and more like a confrontation with an internal void.

This drive to stay busy, to be the person constantly managing logistics, checking notifications, or planning the next professional move, serves as a defence. It functions to keep the internal world at bay. Movement provides a sense of control and a tangible metric of worth that can be presented to the world. When that movement stops, the "doing" self falls away, leaving the "being" self exposed. For many, this version of the self feels underdeveloped or even unworthy of occupying space without a task to justify it.

It is worth considering what these accolades and constant activities are actually intended to achieve. Often, the drive is not about the objective value of the task, but about securing a sense of existential safety. If one is productive, one is "good"; if one is achieving, one is justified. This pattern is frequently rooted in an unconscious narrative where affection or recognition was historically conditional on performance. In this context, staying busy becomes a way of paying an ongoing "debt" to an internalised critic who demands constant proof of value.

This is why "presence" in a family setting can feel so remarkably difficult. In the domestic setting, professional titles and status carry less weight. Individuals are returned to the more vulnerable roles of son, daughter, partner, or sibling. Without the shield of productivity, the self is exposed. Navigating these relationships requires an emotional engagement that cannot be managed with the same logic used in a workplace. To sit still at a family table is to risk being seen in a basic, human form, deprived of the accolades that usually serve as psychological armour.

Ultimately, a relentless need to "do" is a flight from the self. Busyness is often used as a form of emotional anaesthesia to drown out a quiet, persistent anxiety: the fear that if one isn't being useful, one isn't being anything at all. The psychological challenge of the Christmas period is not to "relax" in a superficial sense, but to begin the difficult process of tolerating stillness. It involves the realisation that the right to exist is not a status that must be earned anew every morning through performance.