Resolution Ruin - Why Looking Back Is The Key To Moving Forwards

We’ve all heard the phrase, “New year, new you.” Yet, year after year, many of us find ourselves stuck in repetitive patterns with the same problems, despite our best intentions. Why is this? The reason may lie deeper than mere willpower or motivation, with the answer perhaps being found in the complex dynamic between the conscious and unconscious mind.

It was Sigmund Freud who first introduced the concept of the unconscious and how past experiences in childhood, both positive and negative, shape our beliefs, behaviours, and attitudes. These experiences can become deeply ingrained, influencing how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. This can result in the mind unconsciously trying to protect itself from unwanted pain, anxiety and emotional stress through psychological strategies known as defence mechanisms.

Examples of defence mechanisms are:

Projection – attributing thoughts or feelings that are deemed unacceptable to someone else. For example criticising a friend or colleague for being indecisive when it is you that struggles with quick decision-making

Repression – forcing unpleasant, unwanted thoughts or feelings out of conscious awareness. For example feelings of inadequacy that lead to a constant need for validation and approval

Denial – refusal to acknowledge a reality that is perhaps too painful. For example ignoring negative feedback or avoiding difficult conversations.

Whilst these defence mechanisms may have been helpful in the past, they can become maladaptive over time, limiting our potential, hindering our growth, and causing problems in our relationships. Because these strategies are deployed unconsciously, we may be unaware of how these are affecting our day-to-day lives.   

Whilst this may sound like a grim prognosis, change is possible. Psychodynamic psychotherapy offers a powerful tool for understanding and transforming these unconscious patterns which can lead to increased resilience and stronger relationships. By exploring our past experiences, emotions, and relationships, we can gain valuable insights into our present behaviour, acting as a precursor for significant and permanent positive change.

The new year offers a prime opportunity to reflect on areas we may not be happy with and to reevaluate our direction in life. Understanding the unconscious forces that shape unwanted behaviours can open the door to getting rid of self-limiting patterns and embarking on a journey of growth and development.